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Home Page > Writing > Fiction > Shine on Me..

Shine on Me ..

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Posted: Feb 20, 2007 |Comments: 0 | Views: 117 |

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Shine on Me ..

By: Sidra Nadeem

About the Author

Sidra Nadeem is a literature major and aspires to become a prolificwriter.

(ArticlesBase SC #107190)

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ – Shine on Me ..

(For additional articles written by me please visit my blog on http://www.readitlive.com )

I have met many people in my life, but I’ve met no one like Sitara.

That spring of 2001, I was one of the last passengers to get off flight PK724. The rush had mostly cleared off the airport. Dragging the luggage behindme, I pushed my glasses up my nose and strained my eyes. I’d never actuallybeen to my parents’ homeland before but I’d seen enough pictures of myPakistani family to recognize her, standing by the railing, looking directly atme and smiling.

Fariha and Altaf Hamid had decided to migrate to the US back in the 1970’s,when everyone was leaving Pakistan in search of better opportunities. Startingas modest clinical psychiatrists in a community hospital in Saint Louis,Missouri, they now owned the best psychiatric hospital in town. And I was theirson, their only child.

Once in the US, my parents had gotten stuck in the mechanical life, likebearings in a machine. They worked hard at their careers, built a home, had achild and opened a hospital. They just never had time, a reason or even familyto come back to. My father was the only child and my mother had one sister,whose daughter was now waiting for me beyond the glass doors of the arrivalhall. Even though I was born and raised in America, ‘The Promised Land’ wherepeople have it all, I had always felt like there was something missing in mylife. I’d never been able to put my finger on it, and that was exactly why Ihad flown 16 hours that day. “I’m a star. You?” were Sitara’s first words asshe greeted me, smiling mischievously, showing a perfect set of whiteteeth.

“I’m a fan,” I said, half amazed, half confused, not really sure how toanswer that. That was not the kind of greeting I had expected from a Pakistanigirl.

Once on the streets of Lahore, I could not believe what I saw; widefour-laned roads with a river of cars flowing from one side to the other, hugebillboards displaying all kinds of consumer accessories and buildings thatweren’t exactly skyscrapers, but certainly had more than two or threefloors.

“I thought America had billboards, too,” Sitara said, probably noticing megawking out of the window with a slightly opened mouth, which I closedimmediately, realizing I must have been looking like a fool.

“Yeah, of course, America has billboards. I just didn’t know Pakistan did,too,” I said, momentarily taking my eyes off the road and looking at her.“Where are the donkeys?”

“The Donkeys?” she inquired, as if wanting the name of a specific one, sothat she could provide me with an address and phone number.

“Yeah, mom told me there are donkeys and horses with carts strapped to theirbacks out on the streets. I was really looking forward to meeting them!” Iexplained.

Sitara chuckled childishly and said, “At this time of the night, they’reprobably sleeping. Poor souls don’t have the cable or internet to keep ‘emup.”

“I have a feeling you were expecting a twenty years younger version ofPakistan,” she added after a slight pause.

“Yeah, that’s what mom told me,” I said sheepishly, slightly ashamed of mylack of knowledge of the world outside the US.

“Well boy, you’re in for some surprises!” she said and stepped on theaccelerator, hitting 100 km/h on the wide, street-lit road.

The twenty minute drive from the airport to Khala Jee’s place was all thetime Sitara needed to find her comfort zone with me. Shy at first, not knowingwhat to say to a Pakistani girl who was so different from my expectations, Isoon relaxed as she told me how different I was from what she had pictured.Apparently, I had to have multi-colored hair, a tattoo on my shoulder and pantstorn at the knees to qualify as an ABCD (American Born Confused Desi.)

“Hello, meet Kitty,” she said, introducing me to my first family and home inPakistan, “She’s my cat. She’ll be in charge of cleaning your bones. No no, notyour bones, the bones of the chicks and goats you eat, once you’re done withthem that is, or maybe before that, too. Sometimes she tends to jump on thetable and insists on eating with us. Here, meet Sara, she’s fourteen andwithout a doubt the proudest nerd of the world. She feels honoured to telleveryone her glasses are a centimeter thick! And here’s Saad, he’s ten and veryshy. Saad, say Salam to Waqas Bhai, he has chocolates in his bag and for God’ssakes stop hiding behind me!”

In the next room, I greeted Khaloo and Khala Jee, who were extremelydelighted to hear me calling them Khaloo and Khala instead of Aunty and Uncle.My mother had always taught me to call my relations by their Urdu names. KhalaJee was an exceptionally beautiful woman, sharing my mother’s sharp features,only more chiseled and refined. In comparison, I thought Khaloo Jee was likeany other Pakistani man, average built, wheatish complexion and graying hair.Their kids had inherited their father’s complexion with their mother’sfeatures, making the most harmonious balance between genes that I’d everseen.

The one month I spent in that ‘Land of the Pure’ seems one short day now, itpassed so quickly. Yet I can remember each day because it was so different fromthe previous one. My host family left no stone unturned to make me feel at homeand an important part of their family. I, in turn, did my best to help them bytrying not to have diarrhea.

Sitara and I were the same age; she was actually two months older. Afterhaving graduated from college in the summer, she was taking a year off beforestarting university. When Khaloo and Khala Jee went to work every day and thekids to school, Sitara and I were left at home to make plans for ourselves. Andevery day was an adventure with her.

Sometimes we would spend the whole day cooking, mixing Sitara’s Pakistaniculinary skills with the simple American cuisines I’d learnt at college, tocome up with food like Pizza-handi or Macaroni and cheese biryani. Neither ofus was good at it, but we had a hell of a lot of fun passing our inventionsaround the table at night, sometimes stifling our laughter when Khala Jee saidthings like, “You two should open a restaurant!” Little did she know that themasterpiece she was appreciating had been burnt three times and started fromscratch again!

After a day of all the girly work, as a joke, Sitara and I would playPlayStation in the evening. I would beat her at Tekken3 and feel like a boyagain.

When we went shopping, we would park the car in the parking lot and walkaround the whole area. I was very fond of walking; it gave me more time toobserve the things around me. Sitara on the other hand, hated it and got tiredquickly, which gave us an excuse to sit at random places with a snack and havepeople stare at us. I guess sitting on the sidewalk, on the stairs outside ashop or the bonnet of the car wasn’t much appreciated. Sitara once dared me totalk to a shopkeeper in Urdu and ask him if I could use the washroom. What Isaid roughly translated to “You should go to the washroom.” I was furious athis reaction, until Sitara dragged me out of the shop, barely audible throughher fit of laughter and explained to me my horrendous misuse of ‘aap’ (you) inplace of ‘mein’ (me).

On weekends, we’d visit the historic places in Lahore. We’d pack a picnicbasket and dine in the huge gardens of The Lahore Fort or The Shahi Qila.Sometimes Khaloo and Khala would tell us stories, how they used to come tothese places very often as kids because there was no other form ofentertainment. There were stories about Khala Jee losing her way once in TheBadshahi Masjid and crying for hours before my mom found her, and about Khaloobeing offered a candy at The Shalimar Gardens, which he had learnt as a babynot to accept from strangers. And then there were stories that Sitara told me,that I’m pretty sure had nothing to do with reality. “See those vents there?”she said, pointing at the small, barred, window-like openings at the base ofthe walls of Emperor Jahangir’s Tomb. “Those are dungeons that were used forprisoners. I once came here on a school trip and they opened this smalltrapdoor for us students to visit underground. They say Jahangir’s wife, NoorJehan, is buried there and the place is haunted by her spirit. It smelt sostrongly of roses down there it wasn’t even funny!”

Living amongst Khala Jee’s family, I soon found out that they, like anyother family, were not without problems. What I admired about them was theiroptimism, their effort to enjoy every single day and not let their worriesshow. A middle class family struggling to meet its expenses in an inflationstricken economy, Khaloo Jee had taken loans to finance Sitara’s education,which he had no means to pay back. Khala Jee had been a heart patient eversince she’d lost her two year old, Adil, six years ago. I gradually noticedthat Sitara was the one who kept them all up. She’d bake a cake to cheer upSara for getting an A minus on her Math test instead of an A plus. She’d playvideo games with Saad and teach him how to spell words like ‘multitudinous’ or’synthesized.’ She’d resolve differences between her parents whenever needed.Suffice it to say, she was the lifeline of that family.

Khaloo and Khala Jee were mostly busy with their jobs but whenever we gottime Khaloo Jee would explain to me the economics of Pakistan. The huge influxof money, rapid development, lower interest rates, increasing jobopportunities, and right when I’d conclude that all these things were good,he’d delve into the details of how all of it was hyper-inflating the economy.It was small wonder he was a banker. Khala Jee had more to ask than tell. Nothaving seen her sister in over twenty years, I know she missed her a lot. Allshe talked about was mom, stories of herself and mom as kids and our lives inthe US. Sara, really was the most ardent nerd I’d ever come across. I seldomsaw her around the house as she would confine herself to her room behind a fortof books. I’m not even sure if she slept at night because I never found thelight in her room switched off. Maybe she kept it on in case of a suddenwake-up-and-study nerd revelation in the middle of the night. The few times Igot a chance to talk to her, we discussed Math, education systems in Pakistanand America, and places she could apply to for a PhD. No matter how much Itried, we never tread out of the realm of studies. Saad, who eventually shedhis robe of shyness, turned out to be a very friendly kid. I sometimes madesmall talk with him but I had a feeling he was more interested in my ipod, mycell phone, my digital camera and wristwatch, than he was in me as aperson.

But no matter how interesting the days were, what I would never forget aboutPakistan were the nights. My second night in the country, Sitara took me to therooftop where she had two easy chairs, a table in between with a stereo andjournal on it. It looked like a place she regularly visited.

“Do you see those stars over there?” she said, pointing towards a cluster inthe sky.

“Yeah,” I replied, looking in that direction.

“Can you see how they look like an arrow?” she asked.

“Errr…” I took my time trying to make out the arrow she was talking about,but I could see the stars making no shape whatsoever. “No, they just look likeregular stars to me,” I replied, feeling stupid and sorry that I couldn’t seewhat she was trying to show me.

“Of course they are regular stars, silly!” she said and traced her handacross the sky, showing me how that regular cluster of stars looked like anarrow.

Thus began our long nights.

“I think I’m one of them,” Sitara began to explain, but seeing the confusedexpression on my face she added, “Sitara means ’star’ in Urdu.”

“Oh, so that’s what you meant at the airport! I thought you were thisarrogant little wanna be movie star or something, trying impress herUmreeka-returned cousin,” I said, doing that Desi accent that I simplyloved.

She smiled. “Yes, that’s what I meant. I’ve always believed I’m one of thestars. You know, when good people die they become stars and shed their light onthe world forever. See those two bright stars over there? That one is myfriend, Mohsin. He died in a car accident when we were ten. And that one besidehim, that’s Hina. We were best friends for as long as I can remember. She diedlast year of cancer.”

Before I could interrupt her with a word of comfort, she continued. “I comeup here and talk to them whenever I need to get away from everything. Thestars, they’re so high up there, they can probably see every single person downhere. You know, Waqas, when you’re feeling low and your problems seem to be thebiggest in the world, think of yourself as a star and how very small you andyour problems look to them, compared to the world as a whole. It’s like you’rethis very small part of this very big world. It makes you think of other peoplewith bigger problems than yours.”

“It’s best up in the mountains!” she said suddenly, totally changing thetopic. That’s what I loved about her; she never lingered on the sad parts fortoo long. “I love our summer vacation up north ‘coz, 9000 feet above sea level,the sky is much clearer and closer. I don’t know why or how, but even the starsseem happier. They’re so close to each other, it’s like a tightly knit web ofglitter above your head. It’s very beautiful. I sometimes sit by the window allnight just looking at the sky. Ma doesn’t let me sit outside there, she sayseither the cold would get me or a wolf would…” She rambled on in a high squeakyvoice, excited like a child when he’s showing off his new toy.

“Why didn’t you take up astrology as a major in college?” I asked. Itwould’ve been the best career option for her, considering the passion she hadfor the subject.

“I thought about it, I even took a few classes but then I realized I didn’twanna know about the scientific figures and explanations. ‘Coz whenever sciencecomes into something, emotion goes out of it,” she explained, “And I don’t wantto think of stars as cold heavenly bodies, made out of dense particles ofmolecular clouds and blah.”

Trying to set her facts right, I said, “Just because you see them silverfrom down here, it doesn’t mean they’re cold. Temperatures of stars actuallyvary from 2000K—”

“See!” she said, cutting me in mid-sentence, probably irritated by thismanly urge to be scientifically accurate. “Whatever Science comes in to,emotion goes out of!”

We would come up to the rooftop every night, after getting done with theday’s work, and sit there for hours, looking at the stars and talking. I wasvery fond of talking. Talking about everything and anything at all. More thanintellectual discussions about Science and Technology, I savoured conversationsabout petty things, apparently meaningless, but representative of details thatare often overlooked otherwise. Talking, I was told, was girlish and I wasaware of my girlish tendencies so I often kept them to myself. But with Sitara,I never had to.

In that one short month, I learnt so much more about Pakistan than I couldhave imagined, not as much through experience than through these talks. In thelittle things Sitara told me about her life, from childhood to maturity, Icould see intricate details of their culture, customs and lifestyle, most ofwhich were very different from my own. Usually, we’d have contrasting points ofview about things, which only gave us more food for talk.

It has been seven years since that spring of 2001. Today, Sitara is happilymarried and the mother of a beautiful baby girl. When I came back to the Statesafter my first visit to Pakistan, I realized that my perception of my own lifestarted to change, which encouraged me to think that maybe I was closer tofinding answers to some of my questions, the very reason I had made theexpedition to the Subcontinent anyway.

Those long nights under the starlit sky made me realize how important it wasto make time for myself, to rest ever so often and actually think about wherelife was taking me. I looked around and found people drenched in the sweat ofthe day’s work, weighed down with bills that were ever increasing, children whobecame troublesome with each passing day, careers that needed more hard work,families and homes that screamed out for attention. Once caught in the ragingstorm of life, people struggled without respite, never stopping, even for amoment, to ponder where the wind was taking them. Sitara taught me how to takea break, to surround myself with just myself and nature, with myself and God,when I needed to take a break.

Through these seven years, Sitara and I have been in touch via email everynow and then, but at night, when I sit on the balcony outside my bedroom windowand stare at the stars, I need no email to know how she is. Now I understand.Sitara did not talk to the stars in the sky, she talked to herself, a star onearth. In the face of all the dilemmas she had ever faced, she did not, like amillion other people I knew, complain about the fact that there were noanswers, she actually made the sincere effort of finding them. When I made thehonest effort of traveling 15,000 miles in search of what my life lacked, Ifound the key to the answers to my questions, lying with her. Sitara, byteaching me how to talk to stars, had not just given me the power to talk tomyself but a way of talking to her, too. When I look at those shiny specks oflight at night, I learn so much more about her life than she ever says inemails. Every so often, I look at the sky, asking questions, knowing that afterten hours, when the same stars shine outside Sitara’s window, I’ll have myanswers.

Sitara was right; she is the star of my life.

And I’m a fan.

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Sidra Nadeem - About theAuthor:

Sidra Nadeem is a literature major and aspires to become a prolificwriter.

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